Lately I feel like I’ve been stuck in a season of waiting. My husband and I have been dreaming of putting down roots in the Pacific Northwest since the first time we visited Oregon seven years ago. While we are just months away from making that goal a reality – we hope to buy a house sometime this summer – we are still in transition. In addition to waiting as we search for the right house, I spent the fall waiting to get an appointment with a doctor about a health concern I was dealing with, spent the winter waiting for medical tests, and am now spending the spring waiting to fully recover from surgery.
It’s not uncommon for couples to have an income gap between partners – in fact, it's the norm. According to data from Morning Consult and Insider, nearly three-quarters of Americans reported they had some income imbalance with their partner before they started dating. And while that imbalance can flip-flop as partners change jobs or receive a raise or bonus, at times it can be significant. This might happen when one partner retires, decides to go back to school, or opts to stay at home with the kids. This might also happen when one partner gets a big promotion or receives a large inheritance. How can you manage your finances so this imbalance in income doesn’t throw your relationship off balance? Consider these steps:
I’m a big fan of the Financial Feminist podcast. A few weeks ago the host, Tori Dunlap, shared a money hack that she had heard about from another financial educator on Science Finance: Before making an impulse purchase, ask yourself: “How many ‘taco dollars’ does it cost?” That particular financial educator really loved tacos, so he judged each purchase by asking, “How many tacos could I buy for the cost of that item?” Concert tickets: 20 tacos. Cupcake: 1 taco. Fancy hotel stay: 83 tacos. Then, he would ask himself: “Is it really worth that many tacos?”
My last post on things that can jumpstart your financial life in 5 minutes or less got me thinking about one of the most effective steps I ever took during our marriage: asking my husband an icebreaker question about our life together. That word icebreaker is key: these are questions designed to get conversation going, not shut it down. And that means the question has to be open-ended and asked with a spirit of genuine curiosity of learning what your partner thinks.
Long-time readers of this blog are familiar with the four money personalities I discuss: the giver, the saver, the spender, and the acquirer. Over time, though, I’ve learned that while people tend to understand the first three, they often stumble over the last one. On first blush, people generally thought the “acquirer” referred to someone who liked to accumulate or collect things. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. The acquirer was someone focused on how money came into their life, not what was done with the money after it was received.
Like many little girls, I dreamed about getting married. There’s a classic home video of me playing “wedding” with my grandparents when was about four – getting all gussied up in my dress up clothes, wearing about 10 of my grandmother’s necklaces, and walking down the aisle to meet my prince charming (who, in this case, was my grandmother). Most of what I learned about marriage came from Disney movies and rom-coms … and, in my eyes, that meant sharing everything.
I was cleaning out my pantry this weekend. Literally every time you opened the door, something fell out — seriously, so embarrassing! As I began to reorganize the items, I realized pretty quickly that 1/3 to 1/2 of what was in our pantry was actually expired. As I piled up the items to be recycled and thrown away, I was filled with regret: for the food that was never made, the money we wasted, the fruitless labor that went into making the items I was so carelessly discarding, and the many people who go hungry every day across the world.
Are you hoping to get a raise in 2019? Whether you’re seeking to earn more in your current position or you’re looking for a new job that can bump up your salary, this is a good time to start preparing for your next negotiation conversation.
Let’s face it: Asking for more can be nerve-wracking — even if you feel you deserve it. In my own career working for two non-profits and a church-based small business, I got the impression I was paid all the organization could offer. I felt that any dollar I asked for would detract from the real mission.
Growing up, $5 felt like a lot of money. With it, I could buy lots of candy, or a Beanie Baby, or get half-way toward a Polly Pocket — my favorite toy. The possibilities seemed endless.
But today, there’s not a lot I want to buy that’s $5 or less – maybe a burger from a fast food restaurant or a sweet treat from my favorite bakery. About the only time I feel like that $5 is well-spent is when I use it to support Minnesota Public Radio (MPR) as a sustainer. It doesn’t feel like a lot to me, but I know it makes a difference for them, especially when all of us sustainers join together to magnify our impact.
Our first “Ask the Classy Frugalist” post of the year is all about New Year’s resolutions. There’s a lot of research about New Year’s resolutions out there. Did you know that just 8% of people achieve their New Year’s resolutions? And 80% fail by February? The statistics are so discouraging it’s easy to wonder if you should even make one. Instead of creating a specific resolution for myself this year, I prefer the idea of setting an intention that can pervade all different parts of my life. As an avid yogi, I’m accustomed to setting an intention at the beginning of a practice and seeing how that intention comes to life on and off the mat.
This holiday season has felt different for me. As I’ve listened to holiday music, watched Christmas classics, and enjoyed the light displays, I’ve found myself more drawn to the message of Advent than the message of Christmas. In the Christian tradition, Advent is a season of waiting — waiting for the birth of Jesus. We are reminded of our ancestors who waited expectantly for centuries for the coming of the Messiah.
With the holiday season in full swing, the big financial item on many people’s minds is gifts. My husband and I are no exception. Ever since the week of Thanksgiving, my husband and I have been in constant conversation about gift giving: Who do we still need to buy gifts for? Did we ever figure out something for X person on the list? Will everything arrive in time? But, the biggest question on our minds of late is: What will we give each other?
A few weeks ago, I was traveling for work. When I landed at the airport, I went to Enterprise to rent a car and was greeted by a woman about my age who gave me exceptional service. Even though the facility was small, crowded, and noisy, she spoke clearly, worked efficiently, and smiled effortlessly. I was out of there and into my rental car in no time. As I was leaving, she gave me her card and invited me to contact her manager if I had received good service. She mentioned that she was up for a promotion and that any feedback would be really helpful.
For many of us, an employer retirement account is a given … but what if you’re self-employed? This week’s question comes from a reader who is a freelance actor, and her spouse is a freelancer, too. She wants to start saving for retirement early, but she’s not sure what her options are since she doesn’t qualify for an employer-sponsored 401(k) program.
Happy Black Friday! Today, you’re in for a brief, bonus post highlighting my Black Friday deal. Just in case you missed it, I’m offering my Marriage & Money survey + a bonus 30-minute ($149 value) coaching session all for just $49! That’s $100 off!
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. In my family, this is generally the only time during the year that we are all able to be together. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins come from far and wide to my parents’ home in St. Louis for a few days to reconnect, eat good food, shop, and relive old memories. My dad — who used to be a caterer — is the chef, and he consistently wows his audience with course after course of amazing dishes. It’s always quite a feast.
Can you believe the holidays are just around the corner? While they can certainly bring a lot of joy, they can also bring a lot of stress, particularly to our financial lives. A few weeks ago, Emilie Aries from BossedUp interviewed me for her blog on just this topic! Below I’ll share a few tidbits from the article, but I invite you to follow this link to read the whole article.
It happened to us. And now, it’s been six months.
So often people ask me, “How is your husband doing?” And I want to respond, “Do you want the short answer, or the long one?” Here’s the short answer: better; a whole lot better, in fact. He’s back at work, he was able to join me for our dream vacation in Paris, he finished PT, and all of his health care providers (in addition to his adoring wife) have been impressed by his quick progress. It’s the bright, shiny success story that everyone wants to hear.
When my husband and I got engaged five years ago, one of my biggest concerns was how we would handle money. When it came to finances we never seemed to be on the same page. He enjoyed spending money and I couldn’t wait to give money away. He liked investing money in more expensive items and hobbies, while I enjoyed living frugally and struggled to spend money on myself. We did have common dreams and goals for our marriage — like buying a house and traveling the world — but I wasn’t sure how we’d ever make these dreams a reality when our approach to money seemed so different.
My 31st birthday is coming up this weekend. Even though last year was the big 3-0, I think it took me about a year to come to terms with leaving my 20s and really consider all that I had learned during that decade of my life. Like most people, I experienced mountains of change: I started out my 20s in college, a single woman living with three roommates and a vague notion of what I’d like to do with my life. I began my 30s in my own home, a married woman with a clear sense of what I love to do: help people improve their relationship with money.
Ever since I studied French in school, I always dreamed of visiting Paris. I longed to stroll the streets, sit at a café eating a croissant, visit the market to buy all of the ingredients for dinner, and see the famous art in its many museums. I wanted to drink in the sites, the smells, the taste, the culture. So about three years ago, I started putting together a trip to Paris to celebrate my 30th birthday. My husband was quick to get on board – adding that it this would be a good opportunity for him to see the Normandy beaches. As I began telling friends about the idea, we found another couple who was interested in joining us, too.
I have to confess: I’m jealous of people who spend extended time traveling — whether it’s a few months, a year, or more. I constantly see posts on social media related to this topic — Facebook knows me well! — and I can’t help but imagine my husband and I setting off on a fully-funded globe-trotting journey without a care in the world.
