Date Night Club (September 2021): Creating a Spending Plan for Two

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If I had to choose the most common marriage and money concern I hear it would have to be different spending habits. How do you find a system that honors both of your preferences without breaking the bank? This month, I'm going to help you develop a spending system that works for you both.

Take a Bite:

  • What's one thing you enjoy spending money on that your partner would never spend money on?

DATE NIGHT MATERIALS LIST:

  • Copy of the last month's financial transactions

  • Pen

  • Copy of your budget

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5 MINUTE SNACK: What’s your spending style?

Often couples assume that having all of their money combined together is the only way to go, but if you have different spending habits it can often be helpful to keep at least a little of your money separate. For my husband and me, that has meant keeping small amounts of money in separate "Grace" and "Tyler" funds that we can spend from freely without having to get the other person's "go ahead." This has given us both a taste of financial freedom and space to explore the things that bring us the most joy separately without fear of judgement.

I first heard about this from my financial coach who had a fund made up of money that she earned in her side gig. This money was all hers - she never had to tell her husband (or her kids) how she spent it.

Is this approach right for you? Take this quiz and see how you each score. Give yourself 1 point for every "yes" answer. NOTE: This quiz is going to talk about spending specifically, but you might use the money that's just yours for any purpose - including saving or giving the money away.

1. Have you ever felt judged by your partner for the way you use money? Yes/No
2. Are there things you enjoy spending money on that your partner doesn't care about? Yes/No
3. Do you wish you had a little more independent control over your finances? Yes/No
4. Does the idea of spending money without having to tell your partner where the money went appeal to you? Yes/No

Ready for Freedom (Score of 3-4): You're ready for some financial breathing space. Check out the "Make It A Meal" section below to get your new system up and running.
Feeling an Itch for Independence (Score of 1-2): You could use a little more freedom in your life. You can certainly try the "Yours, Mine, and Ours" approach I discuss in the "Make It A Meal" section. Or, you might take another look at your budget to make sure there's space for the things you care about spending money on. Or, you might establish a joint spending threshold of a certain dollar amount where you can each spend that amount without checking in with your partner. Experiment with something over the next month to see if you can scratch that independence itch.
Blissfully Content (Score of 0): The way things are is working for you - no need to fix what's broken. Keep doing what you're doing. Feel free to skip to the budget section of this email.

What if you each get a different score? No surprise there! Most couples who take this quiz would. Often the person who is least connected to the finances in the relationship is the one who is longing for the most freedom. You may decide it makes most sense for you to set up a separate spending account for just one person in the relationship for them to use exclusively on the things they enjoy - no questions asked. If the other partner feels their needs are being met through their current budget, there's no need for them to have a separate spending fund.

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If you like, you can take this month's topic deeper ...

MAKE IT A MEAL: APPLY WHAT YOU'VE LEARNED

Ready to set up a spending plan that works for you both and satisfies your need for freedom? Check out this article on yours, mine, and ours money.

MONTHLY BUDGET CHECK-IN

Take a moment to look back at last month's budget together.

  • Did you stay on track?

  • If you got off track, what 1-2 steps can you each take to get back on track again?

  • Did any surprises come up - positive or negative?

  • Take a look over the expenses, did the way you used your money align with your values?

  • What changes will you make for next month?

  • How are we doing with the things we decided to continue doing, start doing, and stop doing?