I grew up in the suburbs of St. Louis, Missouri. For the first twelve years of my life, my family lived in a beautiful, 3-bedroom home in a historic, upper middle class neighborhood. The neighborhood was filled with plenty of green space, a school with a playground, and even a fountain. It was no secret that outside of this idyllic neighborhood, though, this area of town wasn’t the best. Case in point: Even though there was an elementary school just a few blocks from my house, it was never a question that my brother and I would go to private school (as did just about every other kid in our neighborhood). The school district was known to be one of the worst in the area. So for preschool up through sixth grade we commuted to a local Catholic school about 20 minutes away.
Just before the start of seventh grade, my parents let my brother and me know we were moving to a new neighborhood closer to my dad’s parents. It also happened to be one of the very best public school districts in the state of Missouri. I was amazed at the options that were now available to me — foreign languages, electives, after school activities. This physical move opened up a whole new world of learning for my brother and me and set us on a path to success. I’d be remiss if I didn’t recognize this move (and the ability to attend private school beforehand) as a key piece of my privilege story.
This week I invite you to dive in and explore your own privilege story. I’ll share some of what I’ve uncovered about mine as a way to get started. For most of us, there will be pieces of our story where there is privilege as well as some where there is not. Be honest about your experience. While you’re welcome to work through this all in one sitting, I think this is a great activity to work through slowly with your partner on a walk, while you’re driving in the car, or on your next money date night.
Reflect on your childhood, young adulthood, and present day experience using lenses like these:
Family Structure and Economic Status: I was raised by two parents in an upper-middle class neighborhood. While I didn’t have everything I wanted (what kid does?) I certainly had everything I needed and many of those things I wanted. Even when my family faced financial constraints, we always had food on the table and a roof over our heads. I also had both sets of grandparents nearby who played an active role in my life, and I was surrounded by a community of friendly neighbors and caring people from our church. When it came time to choose a college, my parents were very supportive of helping me find the best college for my personality and goals. As I shared in last week’s blog post, my mom worked at Washington University in St. Louis for most of my childhood and young adulthood so she had a benefit that paid for a significant portion of my college tuition in addition to the scholarships I received. After college, I went to graduate school on a full scholarship and supported myself with summer earnings, a part-time job, and a small loan.
Race and Ethnicity: I am a white person and my ethnic heritage is a European mix. Thinking back on my past experiences it’s hard for me to identify specific times where my race and ethnicity gave me a leg up, but I know that it happened. Resources on the racial wealth divide and this one on the invisible knapsack of white privilege have helped me to look back through a new lens. Here are some things that come to mind immediately: My parents likely had an easier time moving into a wealthier neighborhood and securing a loan for their house because of their white skin. It was easier for me to assimilate into the new school district in 7th grade because I was a part of the dominant group. My teachers gave me the benefit of the doubt if I turned in an assignment late. I could go to the mall with friends on the weekends without fear of being followed or harassed. Similarly, when I left Missouri to go to St. Olaf College in Minnesota — a school that prides itself on its Norwegian heritage — my pale skin and dirty blond hair helped me fit right in. These are just a few examples; I encourage you to take the time to sit with this, particularly if you are white. Don’t be afraid to use resources like the invisible knapsack to help you see the privilege you had no way of seeing at the time.
Sex and Gender: I was born female and continue to identify as one. I had the privilege of being born into a family with a hard-working mom and a dad who instilled in me from day one that I could do anything I put my mind to because women can do the same things men can. Having this familial grounding as well as many male and female mentors has made a tremendous difference for me. That being said, my interest in generally male-dominated fields (church ministry, finance, and computer science) showed me that my gender could make it more difficult for me to succeed. I was told at an early age that women couldn’t be “lead pastors” at the church I grew up in. I was often one of the only girls in many of my classes in college, and most of my mentors were men. While fitting into more of the expected norms of what it means to be “a girl” (like wearing dresses) has often benefited me in social settings, it has also caused me not to be taken as seriously in professional ones.
While certainly not an exhaustive list of all of the possible areas of privilege, I hope these lenses have got you thinking. Ultimately, recognizing where you have experienced privilege — and where you haven’t — can transform the way you see yourself as well as the way you see others and their accomplishments.