Even if money conversations come fairly easy to you and your partner, they often aren’t the most romantic evenings you spend together. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be memorable, bonding, and even fun. Use these ideas to make your money dates something you look forward to any day of the year:
Dreams First, Dollars Second: Take some time to set goals together before digging into the numbers. If you go straight to the details, it’s easy to forget why the numbers matter. My husband and I can’t wait to get back to travel again once we are able to be vaccinated, so we often use our money dates to plan out some of these trips or add places to our bucket list. Maybe travel isn’t in your future, but you’re looking forward to buying your first home together … take the time to picture that home — location, decor, design.
Tip: Don’t have one big goal in mind? Use one of these icebreakers to get your conversation started on the right foot.Change the Time: It’s easy to get into a rut when every money date looks the same. Switch things up by trying a new time of day. My husband and I really enjoy pairing our money dates with weekend brunch. Another couple I know takes their money dates with their afternoon tea. Find a time of day when you are both likely to be both relaxed and alert.
Tip: Sample a few different times over the next few months and see which one you like best.Invest in Your Money Dates: Set aside some money each month to make your money dates something to look forward to. Even $20 can make a difference. Use that money to buy your favorite beverage or desserts from a local bakery. Post-pandemic, you might reward yourselves by going to a movie post-money date or grabbing drinks at your favorite bar.
Tip: Make it even more exciting by trading off planning it each month. Make the way you spend that special treat a surprise for your partner.Get Outside: Too often people assume that money dates should be spent huddled over a computer at your dining room table. While they certainly can happen there, many of the couples I work with find their best money dates happen outside the home. Bring a short list along to remind you of what you want to discuss, and head out for a hike or take a drive out of town. This is a great setting if you want an unhurried space to work through an issue together.
Tip: Need to walk through something on the computer? Take a few minutes at the beginning or the end of your date to do that and do the rest outside.Make It More Colorful: If the sea of black and white that is much of personal finance is less than inspiring to you, shake things up by pulling out your art supplies. Instead of talking through your dreams, use markers, crayons, or colored pencils to sketch out your goals. Added benefit: You now have a memento to help you remember the conversation and the dream you have together.
Tip: Not so artistically inclined? I often find it’s helpful to have a visual reminder of the goals you are pursuing so you can more easily say “no” to the things that might get in the way. Take some time to find images that represent your goal(s) and put them in your wallet, on your bathroom mirror, or as a screensaver on your computer.Set a Timer: Do your money conversations tend to drag on and on … or at least feel like they do? Knowing there’s a time limit might keep things moving. I recommend starting with 20 minutes and then slowly growing the length of time to about an hour. Once the bell goes off, wrap things up — even if that means putting another date on the calendar to continue the conversation.
Tip: The dates in my date night club are designed to help the time flow easily from one segment to another. There’s even a timed first activity designed to last no longer than 15 minutes so you can dive into a topic without getting stuck.Chart Your Wins: Make your money dates more exciting (and more accomplished!) by keeping a list of your money wins — both small (like finding a way to cut down your grocery bill) and big (like paying off credit card debt). At the beginning of your money date, or any time you’re feeling discouraged, look back to this list to see how far you’ve come.
Tip: During your money dates, add in time to add recent “wins” to the list, so you’re constantly growing the list over time.Make It a Ritual: When my husband and I first started doing money dates, we created a routine so it was a fun experience, not just a conversation. We’d go to the gym, get cleaned up, head to one of our favorite restaurants, order burgers and Arnold Palmers, have our money date, and be back home by 1pm. It gave us a whole morning of activities to look forward to — and a whole afternoon free to fill however we pleased, knowing we’d already made a good investment in our relationship.
Tip: While it may not sound “spicy,” putting your monthly money dates on the calendar can make a big difference. Especially if one of you is financially anxious or a bit disengaged, scheduling the time allows you to prepare mentally for the conversation. And, for the person who’s a bit more financially plugged in, this gives you a promised space to talk about money so you don’t have to spring the conversation on your partner.Try a New Format: Sick of coming up with the money date agenda yourself? Let someone else decide what you’ll talk about … namely, me! Each month I bring a topic to focus on (saving for retirement, repaying debt, money personalities, dealing with financial guilt, etc.) complete with an icebreaker and a carefully crafted conversation or activity you can complete together. I’ll also guide you through a budget and goals check-in so you can take an honest look at where you are today and where you’d like to be.
Tip: Give it a try with one of my favorite free money dates!