People often ask me: “When do you think you should start talking about money in a relationship?” My response is usually “early and often.” Once you get more serious about forming a partnership with another person, that could be after a few dates or even a few years of dating, I think it’s important that you have conversations about money. People often mistake these conversations as whipping out your budget and talking about the numbers in detail. While I hope that will happen as your financial transparency grows, I often recommend people start by talking about the softer side of money, and moving into talking about the numbers from there.

When my husband and I first got married, I was the family money manager. I knew my husband was a little financially anxious, so out of respect to him I kept our money situation to myself — quietly paying bills, making decisions, and working behind the scenes to keep us in the best possible financial position. I resolved to only get him involved if I absolutely had to — namely, when there was a problem. If things were smooth sailing or we had a nice windfall, I could handle that on my own.