My last post on things that can jumpstart your financial life in 5 minutes or less got me thinking about one of the most effective steps I ever took during our marriage: asking my husband an icebreaker question about our life together. That word icebreaker is key: these are questions designed to get conversation going, not shut it down. And that means the question has to be open-ended and asked with a spirit of genuine curiosity of learning what your partner thinks.
I confess that I used to ask a lot of what I thought were innocuous-sounding questions. To be honest, they hit more like an ice-packed snowball. They caused anxiety and sent our relationship (and our financial life) into a deep freeze. If you’ve ever asked one of these terrible questions, you probably know what I mean:
10 Deep Freeze Questions:
Discard these immediately … as innocent as some of them seem, they are destined to do more harm than good.
What’s this expense on the credit card statement?
Is that another box from Amazon?
Just because it’s on sale, did you really have to buy it?
I totally get saving for the future, but do you have any idea how to have fun today?
You’re always thinking about the worst case scenario – why can’t you just lighten up?
You love to give to other people; why can’t you be that generous with me?
We’ll never make enough money to end world hunger, so is it really worth it to give our hard-earned money away?
You’re always working … do you even care about our family?
Don’t you know that money can’t solve every problem?
It’s just money – what is there to be afraid of?
See what I mean? These questions can definitely shut things down, fast. But questions like the ones below (or in this simple post on the power of the icebreaker, one of my most popular blog posts ever) are a great way to start a money conversation with your partner, reset after a tense season, or keep things fresh when the discussion of your finances becomes stale or unbalanced. I’ve used them with my husband to break through the layers of ice built in our first year of marriage where I handled the finances solo, to help to thaw out chilly emotions between us, and to dust off the freezer burn by bringing us back together when we’ve gotten so caught up in the nitty-gritty of our financial life that we forgot the shared goals we set together.
10 New Icebreaker Questions:
Unlike the questions above which are a bit pointed, these are meant to be shared in a light-hearted way. There is no right answer. Each is designed to start a conversation, especially when followed up with a genuinely curious, “Why?”
Who is your real or fictional money role model?
What’s the best piece of money advice you’ve ever received?
What’s the first purchase you made that really made you feel like an adult?
What was your earliest experience with money that you can remember?
Do you think you can ever make enough money? If so, how much money sounds like enough right now?
If you could have one “treat yourself” day where money was no object, what would you do and why?
What are three things you hope to do every day after you retire?
What’s your favorite gift you’ve ever given?
What’s one “splurge” purchase you’ve made that was worth every penny?
Are you more of a saver, a spender, or a combination of both?
Which of these questions is your favorite? Try them out and let me know how they work!
I’ll be taking a break from the blog for the next few weeks while I visit family - see you in March!