A few weeks ago, I was sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch and watching Netflix on my phone when the screen suddenly turned white. My husband spent hours attempting to revive it, to no avail. It was dead as a doornail. Luckily, we have insurance on our phones, so I was able to put in a claim that night.
But in the 48 hours before the new phone arrived, though, we learned a lot. Besides my embarrassment of how ridiculously dependent I am on one object, we realized that because I am listed as the main contact on so many of our accounts (including our bank and savings accounts), without me my husband doesn’t have access. Similarly, we also found that many of the websites we use every day (including the app we use to manage our passwords) require two-factor authentication with my phone.
We’ve worked so hard to be transparent, financially and otherwise, in our relationship. However, this situation taught us that we have some pretty serious gaps. It wasn’t that I didn’t want my husband to have access to these accounts -- I most certainly do! I just hadn’t gone through the process to make sure he actually had it.
Whether you hold your finances jointly, separately, or take a hybrid approach, I invite you to use this week’s post like an audit to see where the gaps might be for you. This list is by no means comprehensive, but it should help you to get the conversation started:
Joint Accounts: If there are accounts that you own jointly (like bank accounts, savings accounts, car loans, or mortgages), it’s important that each of you have equal access -- even if, like us, only one person regularly monitors them. If that’s the case, make sure the less involved partner knows what all of the joint accounts are, the bank/creditor/lender who services the accounts, and how to get access to them. Many of these accounts will likely have security questions that need to be answered in order to gain access. Often those answers are intuitive for the partner who usually manages the account, but they might not be obvious to the other partner. (Seriously, do you know the name of your partner’s third grade teacher?) Make sure these answers are kept in a secure place where both of you can access them. Similarly, if you’ve enabled two-factor authentication for any of these accounts (where you not only log-in with a password but also use your phone to access the account), make sure your spouse’s phone is listed as an alternative number and/or there is an alternative way to access the information.
Tip: The best way to test your spouse’s access to each of your joint accounts is to have them try to access them without your help and see if they run into any issues. Since passwords and security measures change, try to do this at least annually.
Separate Accounts: You likely have accounts you hold separately under your own name, like retirement accounts, student loans, or credit cards. For your partner to have access to separate saving or investment accounts, you can list them as the beneficiary on the account and make sure they know how to access the accounts. Depending on the account restrictions, you may also choose to make them a joint owner on the account even if the account is just yours. If there are any accounts that are just yours that you’d prefer your partner not have access to, be honest about the accounts and why you’d like to keep them separate. Likewise, if they will not be the beneficiary on your account(s), let them know who will be and why. I know it feels easier to keep things hidden and just avoid the conversation, but being upfront now when tensions are low is likely to save a lot of grief later. Make sure that whoever needs access to these accounts in the event of an emergency has that access.
Tip: When you’re preparing your estate plan (which I hope you do, no matter your age), you may decide to include a durable financial power of attorney (POA). This document allows someone to conduct financial matters on your behalf while you are still alive, but unable to do so. You have the option to have it “spring” to life in specific situations (like incapacitation), or you can have it be effective no matter your situation. Should you name your partner as your POA, this document can help your partner conduct financial business on your behalf and gain access to these accounts.
Passwords: A few years ago, my husband and I started using an online password manager to keep track of our sensitive information. While we each have separate profiles, they are housed under one shared “family” account, and we have access to each other’s master passwords. It’s given us peace of mind that our information is secure. Here are some ideas if you’re looking for a password manager.
Tip: Again, no matter how you keep your passwords, it’s important to test out the system to make sure your partner has access. As I mentioned earlier, I had two-factor identification turned on for my password manager, which required my phone to get in. We realized how challenging it would be to gain access to these accounts if my phone was ever lost.
Important Physical Documents: It’s essential to keep key paperwork (Social Security cards, marriage license, birth certificates, passports, and legal documents like wills, trust, and power of attorney) in a secure place where both partners know how to access them. These documents are best kept in a waterproof, fireproof safe. You may also want to keep electronic copies of these documents in a secure place.
Tip: Curious what documentation you should keep in your safe? Check out this list.
In this month’s Date Night Club I’ll help you and your partner test access to your various accounts and examine what you both need to know to stay on the same page.