On this day seven years ago, I married my husband. It was an unseasonably warm fall day. We had a beautiful ceremony surrounded by family and friends, served brunch, and danced the afternoon away. I have so many wonderful memories of that day. But one thing I’ll never forget was the feeling that we were crossing a threshold into the next era of our relationship. Even though we had been dating for almost three years and living together for about a year and half, I knew that marriage would feel different. In the words of one of the songs sung at our wedding, we were stepping into the “dark and wonderful unknown” together. I was both extremely excited and a little anxious to start this adventure together.
On our wedding day, my husband-to-be and I shared cards with one another to read before the ceremony. It’s easy to get so swept up in the excitement of the grand party with family and friends that you forget that this day is first and foremost about your relationship. The cards we wrote helped us stay grounded and connected to one another. It gave us a chance to say the things that we knew we would forget to say in the rush of the day.
Today I’m sharing with you one more card I wish I could have received on my wedding day: a letter to me from my future self. If I could go back and time and give Grace “the bride” a little encouragement from the future, this is what I would say:
“Congratulations on making it to your wedding day! I know it’s felt like a long journey to get here — long engagements are not for the faint of heart! Enjoy today, in all of its glory. Take a moment to marvel at the details, appreciate every smiling face of the community that surrounds you, and steal glances at that dashing new husband of yours.
I know you are feeling a little anxious about what lies ahead. That’s completely normal! You are committing yourself to another person ‘until death do you part.’ That’s a heavy commitment and your anxiety shows that you’ve considered the depths of what this really means. At seven years in, I can assure you that you have chosen well — much better than you could ever realize right now. Over the next seven years, you will experience the greatest joys and deepest losses that you’ve faced in your life so far. You’ve found someone who will keep you grounded in your highest moments and comfort you in your lowest moments. Someone who will challenge you, encourage you, and continue to put you first. This isn’t to say that marriage will be easy — no marriage is — but it will be worth it.
Today your heart is brimming with love for your future husband. I know you can’t imagine loving him any more than you do today … but I can promise you that you will. Even after you feel you’ve reached the max capacity of love and intimacy, a certain experience or situation will draw you deeper onto a new level that you never knew was possible. Allow yourself to be surprised and open to the depth of this love. That’s one of the most exciting things about being in a long-term relationship.
A little advice: Be patient with yourself and your new husband as you adjust to this new stage in your relationship. Remember that even when things are running smoothly, it’s important to invest in your relationship. This is your insurance for the times when you hit rough patches. I realize right now you’re focused on yourselves “as a couple” and the way you might create a life together. As you craft this new life, create space for both of you to have independence. This extends not only to your hobbies but also to your financial life. Give yourselves space in your budget and in your lives to pursue your own passions. This will enrich and enliven your relationship, only adding to the bond that you share.
Remember, your marriage doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s. The two of you are free to chart your own path together — and you will. Resist the urge to compare yourselves to other couples to see if you are “just as happy” or “just as close.” You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. Focus on creating a relationship that honors you both. Learn and lean into each other’s love languages so you can continually say “I love you” in the way it will be best heard.
Have a wonderful wedding day! Enjoy everything you’ve worked so hard to create, but most of all, enjoy the adventure that lies ahead.”