I married someone who is an exceptionally good gift giver. Every year I’m astonished not only by his creativity but by the way he remembers someone’s off-handed mention of something they had wanted months before. It shouldn’t be surprising that he’s so good at gift-giving, since his mom is the very best gift giver I’ve ever met. She spends all year putting together large and small gifts for each person for Christmas. She not only gets you things you want but things you never even thought to ask for.
Not all of us have this gift. And, even if you started out as an exceptional gift giver for your partner, those creative skills may have waned a bit over the years you’ve been together. Whether you’re looking to buy them something for Valentine’s Day or storing up ideas for your next anniversary, let these questions guide you toward a thoughtful gift that will be much appreciated.
What’s your budget? Before we go any further down the gift-giving path, it's important to know what budget you have in mind. Each year my husband and I put money into a gift fund, where we have specific money budgeted for each holiday. Prior to any gift-giving holiday, we always talk about our expectations (including not just the cost of presents, but extras like shipping, wrapping, or tips if the gift is an event or experience). Whether you have separate or joint accounts, I think there is value in deciding together how much you want to spend.
Tip: Want to surprise your partner? You’ll need to be extra considerate of the cost. Set aside some extra money in savings each month so it's ready to go. Take money out of a bonus or side hustle income. The last thing you want to do is surprise your partner with a fancy gift without a specific plan for how you’ll pay for it.
Does it have to be a “thing?” When we hear the word “gift,” I think most of us envision a neatly wrapped present all tied up with a bow. I think it’s important to step back and redefine what a gift might look like. A gift might be an experience that you enjoy together, labor that you put in to clean the house while your partner relaxes, or even taking time off work to spend the day together. A gift doesn’t have to be tangible and it doesn’t even have to cost money.
Tip: Your partner’s love language can tell you a lot about what gift they might enjoy. Here are some gift ideas organized by love language. While some of the gifts are tangible, many are not.
What’s something they enjoyed as a child? Sometimes the best gifts harken back to memories of the past. What’s something your partner did as a child that they haven’t had the chance to do in a while, like painting, reading, horseback riding, or playing a sport. This is one of those gifts where they will not only appreciate the gift itself but also the fact that you remembered something they had shared with you from the past.
Tip: Again, this doesn’t have to be tangible or even an experience. You might choose to make their favorite dessert they enjoyed on their birthday as a kid – just the way their mom used to make it.
What’s an important memory from your relationship? This isn’t a novel gift idea, but it's a classic that never goes out of style. Sift through your memories. When you first got together, what did you enjoy doing? What restaurants did you go to? Where did you travel? Recreate one of those memories, or put a more modern spin on it. Taking the time to capture moments from your relationship is so important. Could you get some old and new photos of the two of you framed? Might you scan some of your old photos and put them in an online album so you’ll always have access to them? What are old mementos from your relationship that you can capture and save?
Tip: You could also put together a gift based on another meaningful relationship. One of my favorite gifts from my husband was a book that he put together to memorialize a friend of mine who had passed away.
Do they have any new hobbies? Are there any hobbies they have picked up during the pandemic that you could help them deepen? Think about items that would make the hobby more enjoyable, books about the hobby, or a gift card so they can pick out items related to this hobby.
Tip: It’s important to separate out a hobby from a chore. For instance, your partner may be doing more cooking during the pandemic, but that doesn’t mean they want to keep doing so. You want to make sure the gift is not only useful but also something that will bring them joy.
Do they prefer to buy things themselves? I have a few of these people in my family. Respect their wishes. I’d suggest asking if they would prefer to pick out a gift for themselves. If so, it’s ok to give them money so they can spend it on something they would really enjoy. If this doesn’t feel like enough to you, consider celebrating by also doing something special for them (like cleaning the house, getting their favorite takeout, or writing them a card).
Tip: There’s no shame in having your partner give you a list. Sometimes it’s the best way to give them something you know they will love!