One of my favorite parts of my work is the opportunity to sit with people and hear their stories. I get to hear about the struggles and the heartaches as well as the goals and achievements. One of the things that comes up a lot in these stories is “The American Dream.” This mythical vision of life and prosperity is a powerful force that often shapes our relationship with money, sometimes in ways we don’t realize.
My current work at Luther Seminary is with a diverse student body that includes international students from around the world. When I listen to my students from other countries — particularly from the continent of Africa — I hear something different. There is often more “we” than “I” woven into their stories. There is a deep and abiding trust that their neighbors will care for them; they take seriously their own responsibility to care for their neighbors. This isn’t just about bringing someone a meal when they are grieving or taking care of an ill loved one, it is a deeply held cultural value of the community as a whole.
The first few times that I encountered this perspective I actually found myself pushing back. How can you depend on a community for your financial well-being? How could you know that others would really be there when you need them? Don’t you need to shore up your own financial well-being first? That’s when I realized how much my own beliefs had been shaped by an American Dream that often puts “I” before “we.”
What is “The American Dream”?
This term usually conjures up images of a house, 2.5 children, 2 cars, a fully-funded retirement account, and a fulfilling long-term career. But according to Investopedia, “The American Dream is the belief that anyone, regardless of where they were born or what class they were born into, can attain their own version of success in a society in which upward mobility is possible for everyone. The American Dream is believed to be achieved through sacrifice, risk-taking, and hard work, rather than by chance.” In other words, the term refers to the pathway to success, not one set destination — which is likely to be different for everyone.
Where is the “I”?
The piece of “The American Dream” that brings me up short, and that I didn’t realize until I started working with an international student body, is the focus on the individual. There’s no reference to family, friends, or community. It makes sense to me now why so many news stories, novels, and movies championing someone’s American Dream success story focus on one person working hard to overcome adversity. Rarely do we see the focus widen to a team, a family, a community.
I’ll admit, growing up, this was my favorite type of story to read or watch. The more obstacles, the more enjoyable. It gave me hope to see one person’s hard work pay off. It empowered me to believe that I could do the same. I still find these stories interesting and entertaining, although I’m more likely to take them with a grain of salt now that I realize how much privilege and prejudice factor into one’s likelihood of success.
What do we do about it?
First, we can’t deny that the concept of “The American Dream” has an impact on us whether we like it or not. Some of this is good: It propels us to work hard, reminding us that success does not come easy. If we go back to the original meaning, it also encourages us to craft our own vision of success rather than conforming to or striving for someone else’s vision. However, focusing on ourselves can also lead us to forget that while others have had to climb insurmountable obstacles, we may only have had to jump over puddles. We might also miss out on the opportunity to help others bring their own visions to life. Imagine what a collective force we could be if we all worked together and helped one another out along the way.
How do we combat “self-focus” and create a more collective and equitable approach?
Shift Your Orientation: This starts by recognizing self-focus is our natural orientation whether we’d like it to be or not. Moving towards a more collective perspective takes a lot of intentionality and time. One way to start: Invest in relationships. Get to know the dreams and goals of others — not just your family and friends, but people outside your traditional circle. Listen when they talk about the obstacles they face. You can also follow people on social media and consume movies or books that help you understand other perspectives. However, the relationships are where the real transformation happens.
Maximize Your Efforts: Find those moments where you can lift up the dreams of others while also working on your own. Some examples might be banking with an Indigenous- or Black-owned bank, impact investing your retirement account, or using your employer’s matching funds to increase your gift to a specific charity.
Offer Mutual Aid: A few weeks ago, on Juneteenth, I noticed a trend on Instagram that encouraged white people to donate a day’s wages directly to Black people via Venmo or Cash App. Similarly, there has been a rise in groups that disperse money to individuals without strings attached, outside of the hierarchy and bureaucracy of a traditional charity organization. The focus is on solidarity (not charity) and rebalancing the inequities caused by privilege and prejudice. Note: Depending on the transaction, this form of giving may not be tax deductible.
Take a Step Back: Depending on your situation, you may have the opportunity to pave the way for someone else’s success. This might involve giving up your seat of leadership to someone else with less privilege or setting aside a portion of your budget to pay reparations to Black or Indigenous communities.
Ask for Help: One of the most important things we can do (no matter our circumstances) to lean into this collective mindset is to step back from the “helper” mindset and ask others to assist us. It takes immense courage and vulnerability to trust others with our dreams and believe they will help us bring them to life. Our brave step forward can empower others to do the same.