Have you ever wished you could get inside another couple’s relationship? I certainly have! We all know the pictures we see on Instagram and interactions we observe at dinner parties just scratch the surface of how a couple functions together. For most of us, the only couples we’ve really seen up close are from our family of origin: parents/guardians, aunts/uncles, maybe grandparents — which is why we often end up slipping into those same patterns.
But even if we’ve had a chance to see a couple sharing life together, we’re less likely to witness how they handle money together. That’s why I was so excited to see Fidelity’s 2021 Couples & Money Study. Fidelity analyzed the “retirement and financial expectations, communication and preparedness among 1,713 couples (3,426 individuals), ages 25 years and older, in a married or long-term committed relationship.” Talk about an inside view!
These findings give us a little peek into how other couples handle their finances (and note: this article is in no way sponsored by Fidelity; I was just intrigued by the data):
7 out of 10 couples rated themselves as communicating at least “very well” when it comes to financial matters. While I’m certainly happy to hear this is the case, this took me a bit by surprise. I have to wonder if it’s a bit of an overstatement. But even more interesting is hearing about the differences between those who communicate well and those who do not. Those who communicate well are more likely to expect to live a comfortable lifestyle in retirement, rate their household's financial health as excellent or very good, discuss finances together at least monthly, and say that money is not their greatest relationship challenge. It’s amazing the difference good communication can make!
Tip: Struggling to communicate well with your partner on money matters? You’re not alone! Often differences in money personality are at the root. Getting to know your and your partner’s money personality (along with its strengths and growth areas) can help you better understand each other’s perspective. Need a little inspiration? Hear the story of how my partner and I learned to communicate well about our money.The money topic couples find most difficult to discuss is their careers. Fidelity charted out the topics in order of easiest to most difficult to discuss. Here’s the list: health & lifestyle, household spending & budgeting, long-term savings & investments, managing debt, wills & estate planning, and (finally) careers. That top spot might relate to the income inequality many couples experience, and how it affects their esteem and sense of inequality in their household finances. Over the last year, that’s become one of the most sought-after topics on my blog, and from the research I’ve done it seems to be one of the most difficult financial issues couples face, sometimes even leading to divorce.
Tip: Wondering how you might approach some of these more difficult conversation topics? Check out these blog posts: managing debt, wills & estate planning, and careers.Almost half of partners say they argue about money at least occasionally. Combine this finding with #1 above, and it says to me that even if you are talking about money well for the most part, it’s still normal to have at least the occasional money argument. One money fight isn’t likely to ruin all of your money communication, and arguing is sometimes a part of that communication. The stat that concerned me more was this one: “Nearly a quarter of people say they are often frustrated at their partner’s money habits, but let it go for the sake of keeping the peace.” Uff da! Sitting and stewing in your frustration is unlikely to keep you on the good communication path. It’s a short-term fix for a long-term problem.
Tip: Ready to find a financial system that works for you both that can help you keep the peace long-term? Let’s create a spending plan that leaves space for your individual money habits.The financial issue most likely to keep people up at night is whether or not they’ve saved enough for retirement. At least a third of the Millennials surveyed worried about making enough money to live the life they dream of (48%), saving enough for a child’s education (42%), building up emergency savings (37%), and/or saving to purchase and pay for a new home (35%). The biggest financial concerns seem to be related to saving and acquiring money — making sure there’s enough to cover long-term goals.
Tip: Retirement keeping you up at night? Figure out how to stay on track for retirement at any age.The pandemic has had mixed financial impact. A full third of partners (33%) say the pandemic has increased their financial stress. However, approximately a third of all couples also said that the pandemic has driven them to talk more about day-to-day finances (31%) as well as longer-term planning (38%).
Tip: Want to get the money conversation started with your partner but aren’t sure how? Check out my nine favorite financial icebreaker questions.Many couples still have one partner take the financial lead — and in heterosexual couples it’s more likely to be the man. 31% of men say they are the primary decision maker for day-to-day finances, compared to 26% of women. Gen X was the only generation where women were more likely than men to take the lead in this area. However, the gap is even wider when it comes to long-term planning. 31% of men say they are the primary decision maker for longer term retirement and investment planning, compared to just 19% of women. 22% of women report having little to no involvement in retirement or longer term planning. Women are also more likely to say their partner is savvier when it comes to investing.
Tip: Ready to up your investment knowledge, ladies (and everyone else)? Check out this post on how to be a savvy investor.