I’m guessing I’m not the only one who gets awkward personal questions at holiday gatherings. Maybe you have an uncle who enjoys asking you how much money you make, a sibling who is constantly judging your spending choices, or a friend who can’t figure out why you haven’t invested in crypto yet. So what can you say to these nosy friends and family members? Here are some of my answers, and tips to help you craft your own responses:
I heard you’re planning a fancy international trip once it's safe to travel again. When I was your age, I was focused on saving. Are you sure you want to be wasting your money on that?
My Response: I think spending, saving, and giving money away are all important parts of a balanced financial life. Travel is something my husband and I both value, so it’s not a waste of money for us. It helps us relax, get out of our comfort zone, and gain appreciation for other cultures. We’re very happy to spend less in other areas of our lives so we can spend more on this trip.
Tip: Most people buy into a narrative that spending is the enemy of saving. Your response might help them see that’s not the case. Sharing the ‘why’ can help them better understand your well-thought-out values.Why are you still wasting your money renting? You should buy a house — that’s the smart financial thing to do.
My Response: We don’t see renting as a waste of money. Renting has allowed us to save money (and time) on home maintenance, have more flexibility with where we live, and focus on other financial goals. Buying a home is only a good investment if you buy the right house at the right time, and now isn’t that time for us.
Tip: For so long, buying a home was considered the best investment you could make in your financial future. As I’ve shared before, there are financial pros and cons that come with both renting and buying. It’s one of those decisions that’s more personal than financial.How much money do you make?
My Response: If someone is asking this question with good intentions, I’d likely answer them honestly. I’m all for salary transparency. If I sense they are not, though, I’d ask, “Why do you want to know?”
Tip: If you think someone is asking this just to be nosy or because they want to “one up” you, it’s ok to deflect by asking them to pass the potatoes or getting up from the table. You don’t owe anyone an answer to this question.I’m really struggling right now to make ends meet. Can I borrow $1,000 from you just to tide me over?
My Response: I’m sorry to hear you are struggling. I have a policy that I don’t lend money to family or friends. Why don’t you tell me more about what’s going on so I can help you find some resources to assist you?
Tip: Lending money to family or friends is a situation that can get sticky fast. My hard and fast rule is to not do it. If someone is struggling, I might give them a gift (not a loan) or cover a specific bill. My biggest focus, though, is on getting them the resources they need. I realize you may not be able to help resource them, but you can listen to what’s going on and offer emotional support.Everybody needs whole life insurance. Want to buy a policy from me?
My Response: That’s kind of you to offer, but my husband and I have our insurance and estate planning needs covered.
Tip: Ugh! Who likes a sales pitch at a holiday gathering? If you’ve got your needs covered, then say so. Resist the urge to tell them how you’ve got it covered — most salespeople are trained to make their product look like the best one on the market, even if it isn't. Instead, keep it vague. If you don’t have your life insurance needs covered, use this as your “wake up call” to do your homework (but on your own time … not at the party!)Investing in small company stocks is the best way to make money. This company is really hot right now. Why don’t you join me in buying individual stocks in this company instead of investing in your retirement account?
My Response: No thanks. When it comes to retirement savings, I prefer to take a more hands-off, diversified approach.
Tip: Are there people who make money investing in small stocks? Sure. But when it comes to retirement savings, diversification is key. Investing in stocks (representing small and large companies), bonds, real estate, and more can help you lessen the risk and receive more steady returns over the long-term. Investing in your employer’s retirement account often comes with lower fees and opportunities (like meeting your employer’s match, if they have one). Plus, if a company is really “hot right now” that often means their stock is already going up and may be on the way down soon. You don’t want to be buying in at the top of the market — that’s a great way to lose money.Christmas is really important in our family, and buying gifts is a big part of that. What do you mean you’re saving for a down payment on a house instead?
My Response: I really value the food and conversation we share together. At this point, my husband and I would rather focus on sharing our time and attention with our family and friends instead of buying them things. We are ok with family not purchasing any gifts for us and instead spending the day with us.
Tip: This one can be really tricky. I’d suggest having a conversation about your situation sooner rather than later. The last thing you want is to be opening gifts from other family members only to have them realize you didn’t bring anything or spent significantly less. State your reasons for spending less on gifts, but also remind them of what you value most: your time together.
Awkward questions from family can be so frustrating. Instead of getting drawn into a debate or losing your financial confidence, I encourage you to take pride in your financial wellness and remember your values. State your piece; then, move on. You also have every right to change the subject or politely say, “That’s not a question I’d care to answer.” Your finances are personal; you get to decide what, how, and with whom you want to share them.
What intrusive money questions have you received from family, and how did you answer them? Let me know below!