A few months back I heard a story of someone who went to a financial counselor for advice on repaying her student loan debt. The counselor offered a litany of traditional ideas for reducing your budget: eat out less, cut back on entertainment, downsize your housing costs, eliminate your gym membership. This person was particularly caught off guard by that last idea. She often went swimming at her gym not only for fitness, but to decompress after a stressful day at work. For her, the gym membership was an important way that she cared for herself. It was worth so much more to her than the price she paid each month. In her debt repayment journey, that’s one thing she just wouldn’t cut.
So often the words ‘self-care’ bring to mind beauty products, bath bombs, and candles; luxury items that can help you relax. Now I love a good pine-scented candle or lavender bath bomb as much as the next person, but often those things bring temporary joy that don’t really help us stay grounded and balanced for the long haul.
Since most of us are running a little low on resilience these days, finding the things in your life that can help replenish your tank is vitally important. So let’s figure out what those things are, and determine how you might fit them into your budget:
How do you care for yourself? I find that “caring for yourself” is a better descriptor than “self-care,” since that term comes with so much baggage. What are the things that leave you feeling rested, refreshed, and/or rejuvenated? Make a list. Try to think beyond things that bring you temporary joy (like eating a bag of chips or a slice of chocolate cake) and identify those activities and practices that bring you back to a state of deep inner peace and wholeness. There are lots of things I do to care for myself that don’t cost a thing, like going on hikes, watching movies, talking to friends on the phone, or meditating. But there are some things I do for myself that do have a price attached, like doing yoga, traveling, and baking.
Tip: Struggling to figure out how you care for yourself? Focus on activities, not trinkets. Consider the things you like to do on vacation to help you relax, things that brought you joy when you were a kid, or how you’d fill your day if you had it all to yourself. You may bring to mind things you haven’t done for a long time or even things you “save” just for a vacation. Why can’t you incorporate those things into your life all the time?
How might you financially support self-care? Begin by taking a look at those activities you listed: Which of these things cost money on a regular basis (i.e., a gym membership) or could benefit from an influx of cash every once in a while (i.e., buying new hiking shoes). Where are these items reflected in your current budget? If there is already space for them — great! Feel free to move on to the next step. If not, how might you create space for them? Take a look at the other items in your budget. Are there things you’re spending money on that you’re no longer using (like an old membership, subscription, or streaming service)? Are there things in your budget that you value less than your self care that you could let go of or reduce in favor of making care for yourself a priority? Reprioritize your budget, putting self-care at the top of the list after your bills are paid.
Tip: Living on an extra tight budget? Focus on those self-care items that come at no cost. These may very well be enough for you. If not, choose 1-2 items from your self-care list that cost money and are important to you. How might you cut down or reduce other areas of your budget to prioritize these expenses? Is it possible to participate in these more costly self-care activities every other month or a few times a year instead of more frequently? Could you put them on your holiday or birthday wish list?
How do you let go of the guilt? Those of you with saver or giver money personalities may have a natural aversion to prioritizing your own self-care. Givers, in particular, may feel some guilt in investing in themselves when there are so many others in need. Remember, budgets are all about balance. It’s good and healthy to spend, give, save, and acquire money. It’s also imperative that we invest in ourselves, so we can more fully invest in others. As the adage goes, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” I’ve noticed that when I don’t adequately care for myself and I try to care for others, I’m less likely to stick to the boundaries I’ve created and more likely to feel resentful. When I’ve cared for myself, I can give without feeling depleted.
Tip: Still feeling guilty? Use this article to see where that guilt might be coming from. Uff da! I’ve experienced guilt over self-care for so many of these reasons, too.