A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to be a guest on a podcast. During our conversation, the host and I talked about the times in our life when we had the least amount of money, and how even in those tough times we found small ways to spend our money to bring us joy. For him, it was when he was a newlywed and just starting out in ministry. Once a week he and his wife would go to a nearby pizza place and order one personal pan pizza to split. Yes, one — it was all they could afford. But that weekly baby pizza gave them something to look forward to, and he said those dates are some of their happiest memories.
I could relate! During my time in graduate school, when I was trying to take on as little debt as possible, I would occasionally treat myself to a Reese’s peanut butter cup. I savored every morsel, really taking it in for the pleasure it was. I’ve always enjoyed fancy restaurants, but since going out for a whole dinner was often out of my reach, I’d get a friend to join me for a drink or dessert at a fancy place during the restaurant’s off hours. We’d get all dressed up and linger over our meager fare — enjoying every bite and sip — lost in conversation.
Oftentimes, these types of expenditures are characterized as “guilty pleasures,” something you know you aren’t supposed to do but do anyway. But looking back, I feel no guilt, only joy and gratitude. And that’s ok — in fact, that’s a sign that I was wisely using my money as a tool to bring me happiness … one peanut butter cup at a time.
Ready to enjoy those pleasures with no case of guilt? Follow these steps:
Check Your Wish List: What ways of spending your money bring you joy? Take the time to list out a few things that make you feel good when you splurge on them, like getting a massage, grabbing a latte from your favorite coffee shop, or picking up a nice bouquet of flowers at the farmer’s market. You may notice that these things that bring you joy also bring a little pang of guilt — we’ll talk more about that later.
Tip: If you’re in a partnered relationship, make sure you both take the time to identify these pleasures. While some of your pleasures may be the same, I’m guessing many of them will be different, and that’s ok. Share your lists with one another in a neutral way. Resist the urge to make your partner “justify” their pleasures to you — that will only perpetuate the cycle of guilt.Check Your Budget: Often one of the main reasons people feel guilty is because these expenditures take money away from other goals and priorities. Quash this guilt by making a plan. Decide on how often you want to be able to treat yourself and total up an estimated cost. Is this something you can afford while still meeting your other goals? If “yes”, that’s great — proceed with your plan. If “no,” then take a step back and reevaluate your budget. Are there things that you’d be willing to reduce or let go of (subscription services, eating out, etc.) to make room for these pleasures? Are there other ways you could bring in income (like a side hustle) that might make it possible? Would you be willing to reduce the amount or frequency of these pleasures to fit your budget? Modify your budget to make it work for you. As you’re adjusting your budget, look for a sense of balance in the areas of saving, giving, and spending. That isn’t to say you’ll invest the same amount in each of these areas, but it’s important that each be represented.
Tip: A great way to make sure you always have room for these pleasures is to literally set aside money for them. You can do this by taking out cash in a specific amount each month or keeping these funds in a separate account. Especially if you’re prone to overspending, having a finite amount of money set aside will help to keep this in check. If you and your partner have different pleasures on your list, it may be helpful to have separate accounts so you can each manage it how you want to without impinging on the other person.Check Your Mindset: You’ve identified your pleasures and made intentional space in your budget for them. What’s next? I’m guessing for some of you, anytime you make these purchases you’ll still have a niggling feeling that you’re doing something wrong. So many of us have been conditioned to believe that spending money on ourselves (even just a little bit) is a bad thing. Next time you get that feeling or hear a voice in your head telling you it’s wrong, ask yourself where it’s coming from. Whose voice are you hearing? Why are they judging you? Getting to the origin of this feeling is a good place to start. For me, the voice originates from my giver personality: How could I possibly spend money on myself when so many others are in need? It’s as if I believe giving $15 away rather than spending it on flowers would dramatically improve another person’s quality of life. While giving is important, and is a key part of our budget, it’s important to have a balance of giving, saving, and spending. Spending on myself helps me fill up my own cup so I’m more compassionate and inspired to give to others.
Tip: Too often the word “spending” trips us up. So many of us have been conditioned to believe that “spending” is inherently bad. If this word trips you up, think of it as “investing in yourself” or “caring for yourself” rather than “spending money on you.”