Ten years ago, if you had told me that there was a financial privilege (not just a societal privilege) to being part of a straight couple, I wouldn’t have believed you. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but it’s true. I assumed once same-gender marriage was legalized in the United States, gay, lesbian, and other LGBTQ+ couples would share the same rights and financial privileges as I experienced.
My eyes were first opened to this privilege as my husband and I were planning our wedding. A friend and her partner were also making wedding plans. As we swapped stories one day, I was amazed to hear about the roadblocks she had encountered just because she was in a same-sex relationship. While I struggled to select vendors and venues based on my vision and budget, she had the added challenge of choosing vendors, venues, and even officiants who were willing to celebrate with her and her partner. I couldn’t imagine the added mental stress, not to mention the financial burden of having fewer choices at her disposal.
Flash forward seven and half years since our wedding and I continue to recognize the privilege that I experience each day as a member of a cis-gender, straight couple. According to a 2018 Experian survey, more than 60% of LGBTQ+ respondents reported that they experienced financial challenges because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. I’m going to share below a few of the privileges that I have experienced that others do not. And though I focus mainly on straight vs. same-sex couple prejudice, I realize the trans community experiences deep financial prejudice as well.
Family Support: Growing up, I received full financial support from my family. I was encouraged to work so I could build up college savings and have some extra spending money. I continued to receive monthly support from my parents during college and I always had a place to go home to during the holidays. It wasn’t until I went to graduate school that I was “on my own” financially, and even then my parents were eager to help me when a financial emergency arose. While being straight is no guarantee of receiving family support, it is more likely. According to the 2019 LGBTQ Money Matters Survey, “35% of queer folks say they could rely on family and friends for financial support before coming out, but only 20% say they could rely on family or friends for support after coming out.”
Increased access to financial aid for higher education: While I had to tally the cost of college and graduate school, I didn’t fear any discrimination due to my (or my parents’) sexual orientation or gender identity. According to Student Loan Hero’s 2019 survey, about 40% of LGBTQ borrowers say they have been denied financial help due to their sexual orientation. Similarly, a lack of family support, as well as the format of the FAFSA application, means LGBTQ+ youth (and LGBTQ+ parents) may also be discriminated against in the financial aid process limiting their (or their child’s) access to aid. According to a Student Loan Hero 2018 survey, LGBTQ respondents, on average, had about $16,000 more in student loan debt than the general population.
Reduced workplace discrimation and potential for higher pay: According to the LGBT People’s Experiences of Workplace Discrimination and Harrassment Report, almost half of LGBT people have experienced unfair treatment at work at some point in their lives, and 1 in 10 have experienced discrimination at work in the last year. This not only leads to less choice in workplaces, but may also lead to increased medical and mental healthcare costs. Many LGBTQ+ workers also face a significant wage gap, earning 90 cents on every dollar a typical worker earns. The gap widens even more once you add intersections of race and gender, with Latinx LGBTQ+ women earning 72 cents on the dollar and trans women (regardless of race) earning only 60 cents on the dollar.
Broader opportunities for housing and mortgages: While my spouse and I definitely hit some bumps when we were securing our first mortgage, we didn’t have concerns about choosing a neighborhood or finding a place to live. According to the LGBT MAP, only 22 states and the District of Columbia have state laws that explicitly prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity. According to PNAS, who analyzed national mortgage data from 1990-2015, same-sex applicants were 73% more likely to be denied a mortgage, and they tended to be charged up to 0.2% higher fees/interest. I realize .2% in fees doesn’t seem like a lot, but it can really add up over the life of a 30-year mortgage.
More options for starting a family: Heterosexual couples who have struggled with infertility understand the challenges same-sex couples experience: foster parenting, adoption, surrogacy, sperm banks, and/or IVF. Almost all of these methods bring with them higher upfront costs, longer wait times, as well as potential legal costs to create contracts, establish proper guardianship, and draft estate planning documents. But in addition to these things, same-sex couples may be excluded from consideration by adoption services run by some faith-based organizations.
What I’ve written here just scratches the surface. If you or someone you love identifies as LGBTQ+, I encourage you to highlight other dimensions in the comments below. And if you are in a straight couple and/or you identify as straight, and you (like me) assumed there wasn’t much difference financially, I hope this article can be a first step in recognizing your own privilege so you can be a better friend, neighbor, and ally.
P.S. - For the summer, I will be testing out an “every other week” format for the blog, so the next article will come out on June 28.