The other day my husband texted me about a few different clothing items he was looking to buy to round out his wardrobe. Since any talk about spending makes me a bit anxious, his text set off the panic bells and a stream of irrational thoughts: “Where would this money come from? Would spending in this way get in the way of our savings goals? Did this mean we could no longer be as generous as I wanted our family to be?”
Within seconds I was convinced that we were sending our financial life out to sea. Despite all of the good work that my husband and I have done to get clear on our money strengths and blind spots it still sometimes feels like “me vs. you.” I forget about the power of us.
I’m guessing you know exactly what I mean. Maybe your partner’s constant need to save gets in the way of your dreams of travel. Maybe your partner’s tendency to be generous with others seems to ignore the needs of your family. And that might undermine the power of us in your relationship, too.
Sometimes the perspective of others can help us get out of this “me vs. you” mindset — and what better way to do that than over brunch? On Saturday, Feb. 29, I invite you to join me for my first-ever Love & Money Brunch. We’ll work together to identify the strengths and blind spots of each of the money personalities, so you can appreciate what each of you bring to the table in your money conversations. Together, we’ll bust some financial and relationship myths like these:
· We’re the only couple that doesn’t see eye-to-eye when it comes to money: I’m not sure that I’ve met any couple that sees completely eye-to-eye when it comes to money. The gift of marriage is that you have two people, with two perspectives, coming together to create a life together. That brings flow and friction — and often money, that place where you really get to put value behind what you believe in, is where tensions start to rise. During this event, you’ll get to have honest conversations with other couples who have similar struggles to you. You’ll leave feeling affirmed and challenged.
· I’m not “good at money” — everyone else knows so much more than me: I’m convinced that everyone can be “good at money,” even if they don’t have a gift for numbers and spreadsheets. Being good at money is about taking the time to discern where you want to go, taking an honest look at where you are today, and meticulously drawing a path to get there. I’ll share with you tools to help you and your partner chart this path together.
· I’ve got our financial life all figured out; my partner just needs to get on board: It’s usually not this blatant, but I’m often asked, “Can you help my spouse see what’s really important with our finances?” More than likely your spouse will not leave this event “ready to follow your lead.” Instead, I’m hoping you’ll find yourself with a partner who’s ready to come to the table in your joint financial life, and I’ll give you a few ideas for when they do.
· My partner and I will never be on the same page about our finances: Trust me: you can do this. As I mentioned earlier, it’s easy to get so entrenched in “me vs. you” that you can’t see way forward together. That’s where I (and your peers at this event) come in: We can take an unbiased view on the situation and help you to take some clear steps forward.
If you’re nervous to talk about money with others, don’t worry I’ll only invite you to share as much as you are comfortable with. We’ll be talking about money personalities and your vision of a fulfilling life. You won’t be sharing any personal information about your financial status unless you choose to.
Ready for brunch and some real money breakthroughs? Register today – seats are limited.
I realize not everyone who follows my blog lives in Minneapolis, but I’d still love your help in spreading the word by sharing this event on social media. Use this text:
“Hey Twin Cities friends! Join my friend, financial educator Grace Pomroy, for some real talk about money over brunch on Feb. 29. Over three hours, Grace will help you break the ice, talk honestly about money with your partner, and find your money superpower together. Learn more using the link below.”
Link to: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/love-money-brunch-february-29-tickets-83500212383
By the way, in case you’re wondering how things turned out for my husband and me: I took two deep breaths to silence the panic alarm and texted my husband, “I’m excited that you’ve found some items you like. My only concern is where we will find the money to get these for you. Can we talk about this during our next money date?” He responded right away: “Yes, I’m putting together a proposal of how much these items cost and where the money will come from.” I realized he didn’t expect me to make a plan to get the items, and he didn’t intend to make me anxious about where the money would come from. He just wanted me to take a look at what he’d found – see how well-rounded and well-researched it was. It was a moment of thoughtful, intentional spending. He wanted me to be excited for him and his future wardrobe. It took vulnerability for my husband to send that initial text and took vulnerability for me to express my concerns. But I know that vulnerability helps us create a stronger relationship.
This Thursday, Dec. 5, I’ll be going live on Facebook at 8pm Central to share a few of my favorite tips to help couples get past their money hurdles — whether it’s a small misunderstanding like I described in this post or something more serious. Haven’t liked my Facebook page yet? Now is a great time to do it. Only have Instagram? Don’t worry — I’ll be posting the recording to IGTV later.