Lately I feel like I’ve been stuck in a season of waiting. My husband and I have been dreaming of putting down roots in the Pacific Northwest since the first time we visited Oregon seven years ago. While we are just months away from making that goal a reality – we hope to buy a house sometime this summer – we are still in transition. In addition to waiting as we search for the right house, I spent the fall waiting to get an appointment with a doctor about a health concern I was dealing with, spent the winter waiting for medical tests, and am now spending the spring waiting to fully recover from surgery.
It’s not uncommon for couples to have an income gap between partners – in fact, it's the norm. According to data from Morning Consult and Insider, nearly three-quarters of Americans reported they had some income imbalance with their partner before they started dating. And while that imbalance can flip-flop as partners change jobs or receive a raise or bonus, at times it can be significant. This might happen when one partner retires, decides to go back to school, or opts to stay at home with the kids. This might also happen when one partner gets a big promotion or receives a large inheritance. How can you manage your finances so this imbalance in income doesn’t throw your relationship off balance? Consider these steps:
I’m a big fan of the Financial Feminist podcast. A few weeks ago the host, Tori Dunlap, shared a money hack that she had heard about from another financial educator on Science Finance: Before making an impulse purchase, ask yourself: “How many ‘taco dollars’ does it cost?” That particular financial educator really loved tacos, so he judged each purchase by asking, “How many tacos could I buy for the cost of that item?” Concert tickets: 20 tacos. Cupcake: 1 taco. Fancy hotel stay: 83 tacos. Then, he would ask himself: “Is it really worth that many tacos?”
My last post on things that can jumpstart your financial life in 5 minutes or less got me thinking about one of the most effective steps I ever took during our marriage: asking my husband an icebreaker question about our life together. That word icebreaker is key: these are questions designed to get conversation going, not shut it down. And that means the question has to be open-ended and asked with a spirit of genuine curiosity of learning what your partner thinks.
Long-time readers of this blog are familiar with the four money personalities I discuss: the giver, the saver, the spender, and the acquirer. Over time, though, I’ve learned that while people tend to understand the first three, they often stumble over the last one. On first blush, people generally thought the “acquirer” referred to someone who liked to accumulate or collect things. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. The acquirer was someone focused on how money came into their life, not what was done with the money after it was received.
During the Super Bowl, interspersed between the beer, chips, and car ads I saw an intriguing financial commercial. It features 85-year olds flying planes, DJing at a club, performing surgery, lifeguarding on the beach, working tech support, and fighting fires. The theme song running through the ad is “I’m 85 and I want to go home” – a riff on the famous Jamacian folk song “Day O” (The Banana Boat Song). If you haven’t seen the ad, I encourage you to check it out.
You’ve heard the story before. It’s not unusual. Saver is working diligently to get her finances in order. Spender is working hard to live his life to the fullest. Opposites attract. They fall madly in love and walk off into the sunset together. That’s the end of the story, right? But, how do those wonderful opposites – both of which have their own strengths and weaknesses – create a financial life that they can both be proud of?
Since I began writing this blog in January of 2014 the meaning of “Classy Frugalist” has changed a lot. At the time I started this blog I was engaged, fresh out of my first job, and just figuring out what it meant to have a steady income that allowed me to spend some money on "wants" not just "needs." And now, I’m thirty, married, in my third job, and doing better financially than I had expected.
After a two year hiatus, the Classy Frugalist is back. Over the past two years, I wrote a book on stewardship called, “Embracing Stewardship: How to Put Stewardship at the Heart of Your Congregation’s Life” with my friend and colleague, Rev. Chick Lane.
