Guilt, shame, and regret are powerful feelings. They can color how we see ourselves, perhaps permanently, and paralyze us into inaction. Here’s an example: A college freshman is tempted by a table in the quad: Sign up for a credit card, get a free t-shirt. What could go wrong? Except using that card without a plan and paying off just the minimum amount each month adds up to a huge balance. Once graduation day came, the “free” t-shirt is long gone, but they’ll be carrying that load of debt — and the shame of making that mistake — for a long time.

Whenever I tell people I’m a financial educator, the most common response I receive is: “I’m so glad someone is doing that work; I’m no good with money.” The first few times I received that response I was so startled by it that I just paused and moved on with the conversation. Now I’ve started to ask people: “Why do you think that?” Often, they are just as startled by this response. Usually it’s something they have never questioned. Yet, this belief is usually holding them back from making the best of their life with money because they have already convinced themselves they can’t do it.

Is money a big motivator for you? Often in my conversations with couples, I’ve found that people who are motivated by money are reluctant to admit it. When they do, it’s often with a sense of shame: “I wish I wasn’t motivated by money, but I am.”

We’ve all done it: You’re exhausted from a stressful week at work, so you order takeout and ignore the fresh groceries in your stocked fridge. You’re anxious about a big life decision, so you buy some sugary treats hoping they’ll make you feel better. You’re too busy to get what you need for an upcoming trip, so you do a last minute, online binge shopping order and put it on your credit card without considering how you’ll pay it back.

Aah … the four little words that have ruled most of my adult financial life.

In graduate school — when I couldn’t afford anything beyond basic necessities — I wore those four words as a badge of honor. Unlike so many of my peers who didn’t live within their means, they helped me be clear on what was inside my budget and what wasn’t.

I remember the first time I tasted financial freedom. I was a year or so into my first full-time job and I had finally gotten the hang of budgeting and covering all of my needs. I had a plan to repay my student loans and build my emergency fund, so I could finally save toward something I wanted with what was left over. That was the moment when money became not just frugal but fun to me. Because all of my bases were covered, I had the freedom to choose and pursue my next goal.

A few weeks ago, the lovely career coach, Lisa Lewis, interviewed me for her blog series about money. During the interview we got to talking about whether or not you can ever have enough in savings. The desperate pursuit of the elusive “enough” too often leads people to live in fear: fear of spending too much, fear of giving away too much, fear of not having enough to support themselves and their family.

I was cleaning out my pantry this weekend. Literally every time you opened the door, something fell out — seriously, so embarrassing! As I began to reorganize the items, I realized pretty quickly that 1/3 to 1/2 of what was in our pantry was actually expired. As I piled up the items to be recycled and thrown away, I was filled with regret: for the food that was never made, the money we wasted, the fruitless labor that went into making the items I was so carelessly discarding, and the many people who go hungry every day across the world.