Lately I feel like I’ve been stuck in a season of waiting. My husband and I have been dreaming of putting down roots in the Pacific Northwest since the first time we visited Oregon seven years ago. While we are just months away from making that goal a reality – we hope to buy a house sometime this summer – we are still in transition. In addition to waiting as we search for the right house, I spent the fall waiting to get an appointment with a doctor about a health concern I was dealing with, spent the winter waiting for medical tests, and am now spending the spring waiting to fully recover from surgery.
It’s not uncommon for couples to have an income gap between partners – in fact, it's the norm. According to data from Morning Consult and Insider, nearly three-quarters of Americans reported they had some income imbalance with their partner before they started dating. And while that imbalance can flip-flop as partners change jobs or receive a raise or bonus, at times it can be significant. This might happen when one partner retires, decides to go back to school, or opts to stay at home with the kids. This might also happen when one partner gets a big promotion or receives a large inheritance. How can you manage your finances so this imbalance in income doesn’t throw your relationship off balance? Consider these steps:
I’m a big fan of the Financial Feminist podcast. A few weeks ago the host, Tori Dunlap, shared a money hack that she had heard about from another financial educator on Science Finance: Before making an impulse purchase, ask yourself: “How many ‘taco dollars’ does it cost?” That particular financial educator really loved tacos, so he judged each purchase by asking, “How many tacos could I buy for the cost of that item?” Concert tickets: 20 tacos. Cupcake: 1 taco. Fancy hotel stay: 83 tacos. Then, he would ask himself: “Is it really worth that many tacos?”
My last post on things that can jumpstart your financial life in 5 minutes or less got me thinking about one of the most effective steps I ever took during our marriage: asking my husband an icebreaker question about our life together. That word icebreaker is key: these are questions designed to get conversation going, not shut it down. And that means the question has to be open-ended and asked with a spirit of genuine curiosity of learning what your partner thinks.
Long-time readers of this blog are familiar with the four money personalities I discuss: the giver, the saver, the spender, and the acquirer. Over time, though, I’ve learned that while people tend to understand the first three, they often stumble over the last one. On first blush, people generally thought the “acquirer” referred to someone who liked to accumulate or collect things. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. The acquirer was someone focused on how money came into their life, not what was done with the money after it was received.
Every year one of my favorite parts of the holiday season is putting on some Christmas music, lighting a fire, and decorating the Christmas tree. I love putting the ornaments on one by one remembering all of the stories associated with each one. I remember the first year my husband and I joined our ornaments together on one tree we had so many stories to tell each other.
It may be the season of giving, but that doesn’t have to automatically mean spending. In fact, with a little creativity and careful intentionality, you might find some meaningful ways to save this season. Now, I promise I’m not getting Grinchy here – I love giving gifts and showing my loved ones how important they are to me. But with so many of us feeling the pinch in this economy, this might be the time to reevaluate your patterns. Here are some of my favorite approaches to achieving both the joy of giving, and the satisfaction of saving:
Currently we are in the Christian church’s season of Advent: a season of waiting, hoping, holding space. As I’ve been reflecting on the coming of Christmas this year, one thing in particular has stood out to me: the juxtaposition of how small and yet momentous the occasion of Christmas really is. At face value, the story of a young, unwed, pregnant mother giving birth in a stable is a story that merits no notice. Without the shepherds, angels, or wise men, I’m not sure anyone would have paid much attention — and yet this moment, this birth, changes everything. Because we know all that is to come, we forget how blessedly ordinary the occasion was.
It’s official: The holiday season is finally upon us! While we are still certainly in the midst of a pandemic, for many of us, the holidays are likely to be a little less lonely this year. We may attend a small party, gather with family or friends, and (if nothing else) bring much more skill and creativity to our virtual celebrations. But one thing hasn’t changed: it’s likely to be a season more focused on spending than saving. I encourage you to put on your favorite holiday tunes, snuggle up by the fire (or get one started via YouTube), and take a little time to put together a spending plan that works for you both. Ask yourselves these questions:
It’s been a tough season for me. In the past, I’ve been reluctant to admit this publicly unless I had lost a loved one or experienced a family emergency, but I’m beginning to realize that daily life — especially in the midst of a pandemic — is its own kind of toughness. I’m generally an optimistic and highly motivated person, but this fall has brought me a busier-than-ever work schedule, a bumpy transition into hybrid work, new challenges in just about every area of my life, and the lingering grief, exhaustion, and fear that comes from living life in a pandemic. While I have no doubt I’ll be grateful for everything I’ve learned during this season, trying to be present in the moment, adapting to new circumstances, and establishing new boundaries has taken its toll on me. Maybe you’ve felt this way, too.
As this year draws to a close, I realize there are so many things that have happened in my life this year that I’ve avoided sharing on the blog. I kept putting off sharing them for fear of looking tone deaf while so many others are struggling financially, emotionally, and physically. I kept hoping there would be a big moment where everything turns around and we enter into our phase of “new normal” but here we are at the end of December still waiting. And during this season normally filled to the brim with hope, love, joy, and celebration, which this year is paired with so much grief, anxiety, fear, and isolation, I want to celebrate the things, big and small, which have brought me hope this year. I hope that no matter your situation you’ll take the time to do the same.
We’re just a few days away from my favorite holiday: Thanksgiving. Like so many of you, our holiday will look a lot different this year. Usually we spend Thanksgiving with my family in St. Louis. Family from far and near descend on my parents’ house to eat delicious food, play games together, explore the city, and catch up on everything that’s happened over the last year. It’s a bit chaotic, but it’s still absolutely wonderful.
Talking about the holidays feels a bit odd this year. I haven’t seen my family or my husband’s family in more than ten months and it’s unlikely we’ll be seeing anyone over the holidays. While my husband and I have thought of many ways to make both Thanksgiving and Christmas extra special celebrating with just the two of us this year, we both know it’s not really the same when we can’t share it with those we love.
Over the last two years, I have had the privilege of walking beside Michelle Boss (aka The Money Boss) as an accountability partner. Over that time she’s grown from being a fellow financial coach into a mentor and friend. We’ve never met in person, but we check in every two weeks via phone. We share our highs and lows, celebrating and encouraging one another along the way.
Who can you be most honest with?
About two years ago, a friend from college and I decided to start writing emails back and forth to keep in touch. We had used this technique after college to help us stay connected after she went off to grad school in Colorado and I moved to the Twin Cities, but now that we were living in the same city we still struggled to stay connected other than the once or twice a month we are able to see each other in person. As two introverts, we’ve found there’s a lot we can say in writing that we can’t seem to get into when we meet in person.
Whether you love or hate Valentine’s Day, it is a great excuse to stop and say “I love you.” Now, some people would say: Shouldn’t you say “I love you” every day? Absolutely! But how often do we take the time to do it properly? That means saying it in the way your loved one will hear (and feel) it best
If you’re feeling a little jaded about the whole experience, I encourage you to think broader than the confines of a partnered relationship. Who in your life needs to know you love and appreciate them today? Is it your parent who you often lean on for support, your best friend who lives across the country, an elderly relative in assisted living, your colleague who is experiencing a tough season of their life? Absolutely include your partner on the list (if you have one), but be sure to widen your circle as well.
I encourage you to take a different approach. Don’t give in to the temptation to overspend or wallow in your singleness. Instead, use this day as an excuse to stop and say: “I love you.” Some would say: shouldn’t you say “I love you every day?” Absolutely! But how often do we stop and take the time to do it properly? If you’ve been in a relationship a long time, it’s easy to let saying the great words “I love you” become so perfunctory that they lose their meaning entirely.
Our first “Ask the Classy Frugalist” post of the year is all about New Year’s resolutions. There’s a lot of research about New Year’s resolutions out there. Did you know that just 8% of people achieve their New Year’s resolutions? And 80% fail by February? The statistics are so discouraging it’s easy to wonder if you should even make one. Instead of creating a specific resolution for myself this year, I prefer the idea of setting an intention that can pervade all different parts of my life. As an avid yogi, I’m accustomed to setting an intention at the beginning of a practice and seeing how that intention comes to life on and off the mat.
This holiday season has felt different for me. As I’ve listened to holiday music, watched Christmas classics, and enjoyed the light displays, I’ve found myself more drawn to the message of Advent than the message of Christmas. In the Christian tradition, Advent is a season of waiting — waiting for the birth of Jesus. We are reminded of our ancestors who waited expectantly for centuries for the coming of the Messiah.
With the holiday season in full swing, the big financial item on many people’s minds is gifts. My husband and I are no exception. Ever since the week of Thanksgiving, my husband and I have been in constant conversation about gift giving: Who do we still need to buy gifts for? Did we ever figure out something for X person on the list? Will everything arrive in time? But, the biggest question on our minds of late is: What will we give each other?
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. In my family, this is generally the only time during the year that we are all able to be together. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins come from far and wide to my parents’ home in St. Louis for a few days to reconnect, eat good food, shop, and relive old memories. My dad — who used to be a caterer — is the chef, and he consistently wows his audience with course after course of amazing dishes. It’s always quite a feast.
Can you believe the holidays are just around the corner? While they can certainly bring a lot of joy, they can also bring a lot of stress, particularly to our financial lives. A few weeks ago, Emilie Aries from BossedUp interviewed me for her blog on just this topic! Below I’ll share a few tidbits from the article, but I invite you to follow this link to read the whole article.
