Lately I feel like I’ve been stuck in a season of waiting. My husband and I have been dreaming of putting down roots in the Pacific Northwest since the first time we visited Oregon seven years ago. While we are just months away from making that goal a reality – we hope to buy a house sometime this summer – we are still in transition. In addition to waiting as we search for the right house, I spent the fall waiting to get an appointment with a doctor about a health concern I was dealing with, spent the winter waiting for medical tests, and am now spending the spring waiting to fully recover from surgery.
It’s not uncommon for couples to have an income gap between partners – in fact, it's the norm. According to data from Morning Consult and Insider, nearly three-quarters of Americans reported they had some income imbalance with their partner before they started dating. And while that imbalance can flip-flop as partners change jobs or receive a raise or bonus, at times it can be significant. This might happen when one partner retires, decides to go back to school, or opts to stay at home with the kids. This might also happen when one partner gets a big promotion or receives a large inheritance. How can you manage your finances so this imbalance in income doesn’t throw your relationship off balance? Consider these steps:
I’m a big fan of the Financial Feminist podcast. A few weeks ago the host, Tori Dunlap, shared a money hack that she had heard about from another financial educator on Science Finance: Before making an impulse purchase, ask yourself: “How many ‘taco dollars’ does it cost?” That particular financial educator really loved tacos, so he judged each purchase by asking, “How many tacos could I buy for the cost of that item?” Concert tickets: 20 tacos. Cupcake: 1 taco. Fancy hotel stay: 83 tacos. Then, he would ask himself: “Is it really worth that many tacos?”
My last post on things that can jumpstart your financial life in 5 minutes or less got me thinking about one of the most effective steps I ever took during our marriage: asking my husband an icebreaker question about our life together. That word icebreaker is key: these are questions designed to get conversation going, not shut it down. And that means the question has to be open-ended and asked with a spirit of genuine curiosity of learning what your partner thinks.
Long-time readers of this blog are familiar with the four money personalities I discuss: the giver, the saver, the spender, and the acquirer. Over time, though, I’ve learned that while people tend to understand the first three, they often stumble over the last one. On first blush, people generally thought the “acquirer” referred to someone who liked to accumulate or collect things. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. The acquirer was someone focused on how money came into their life, not what was done with the money after it was received.
What does financial freedom look like for you? For me, it’s the ability to bring up any financial curveball to my spouse knowing that we will handle it together. In our marriage, financial freedom stems from knowing we are on the same team when it comes to money. We may have different strengths and growth areas, and we may not always agree on strategy, but we share the same goal. We know we’re better together taking on issues side by side.
When my husband and I first got married, I was the family money manager. I knew my husband was a little financially anxious, so out of respect to him I kept our money situation to myself — quietly paying bills, making decisions, and working behind the scenes to keep us in the best possible financial position. I resolved to only get him involved if I absolutely had to — namely, when there was a problem. If things were smooth sailing or we had a nice windfall, I could handle that on my own.
The last few months have been a roller coaster ride. Just over three months ago I received an offer for my dream job. I was on top of the world! I quickly put in my two weeks notice and tried to tie up loose ends before I packed up my cubicle, hugged many of my colleagues goodbye, and looked forward to a short break between jobs.
If this week has taught me anything, it’s that I need to take more time to listen to Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC). I need to listen closely to their stories and their perspectives of news events. I need to be willing to trust them when they say justice has not been served, when they confide their fear of law enforcement, when they expose the seedy underbelly of white privilege that pervades just about every are of our culture. I must choose to listen closer even when it doesn’t immediately make sense in my predominately white world view and even when there’s no video to prove it. This isn’t just about George Floyd, this is about every day life in America for BIPOC.
I graduated from college during the great recession. Many of my classmates struggled to find jobs in fields anywhere close to their college degree. It was easy to feel like we might be stuck at the bottom of the totem pole forever. But ten years later, I can honestly say that’s not true. My peers and I did volunteer years, went to graduate school, worked our way up the ladder through low paying jobs, changed career paths, and so much more. While it certainly wasn’t easy, we made it — and, despite the hurdles they’re facing with this pandemic — so will today’s grads.
At a recent Love & Money Brunch, I invited participants to break into groups by their money personalities. Interestingly, most couples were split, each with a spender and a saver. As we discussed the strengths and blind spots of each money personality, there were plenty of playful jabs being tossed from one side to another: “At least I know how to find a good value on a coat rather than wearing one with holes in it.” “Well, someone in the family has to think about our future.” All was said in a kind-hearted way, but there was definitely an undercurrent of tension.
Anyone else feeling the weight of the higher than normal grocery bills? While we may not be spending as much money on gas, travel, or entertainment, we are still spending money on food. We strive to find the best way to make nutritious meals that take as few groceries as possible so we can limit our trip, and that has proven to be challenging, at least for us. As someone who usually takes pleasure in the entire process from planning meals to picking out ingredients to making the meals each night I quickly realized I had to shift my mindset. I couldn’t buy groceries the same way I used to do – dependent on having all the ingredients to make the meal “just right.” I’ve had to be more flexible. I’ve also had to shift my focus from making meals we love (and I feel like making) to focusing on meals that use rely on pantry staples and use as few ingredients as possible. It brought me back to my days in graduate school when I had a very tight grocery budget and I had to weigh whether or not each item was really worth it.
Over the last month or so that we’ve been staying at home, I’ve enjoyed watching the general thread on my Instagram change from one focused on hustle and productivity to gratitude and self-care. This time of collective trauma has taught us how to have grace with ourselves and others in ways we haven’t before.
One of the most interesting results of coronavirus has been the decrease in air pollution and CO2 emissions across the world – particularly in some of the world’s biggest cities. It’s amazing to see how just a week or two of having people stay home could have such an impact on our environment.
As we’ve all seen over the last few weeks, the financial impact of COVID-19 has already been significant. While we certainly could look at the global or national perspective, today I want to focus on how COVID-19 might be impacting you personally and particularly how you can get some help. Please refer this blog post to anyone you know who might need financial relief.
You generally hear about wills in the media when celebrities (like Prince or Amy Winehouse) die without one and people begin to wonder what will happen with their estate. Or, consider one of my favorite movies, The Grand Budapest Hotel: After an elderly rich woman dies, a late addendum to her will is found bequeathing a famous art piece to someone outside the family. The rest of the movie is spent with characters fighting over who will receive that art piece. These situations may make for an entertaining diversion, but wills are not just for the rich and famous. Wills are for everyone.
For the longest time, I thought cheaper was always better. As a graduate student living on an extremely tight budget, this money myth was really handy. I cut coupons, checked the unit price on items in the grocery store, and ordered the least expensive meal when I went out with friends. Frugality was my motto, and I refused to deviate.
We’ve all done it: You’re exhausted from a stressful week at work, so you order takeout and ignore the fresh groceries in your stocked fridge. You’re anxious about a big life decision, so you buy some sugary treats hoping they’ll make you feel better. You’re too busy to get what you need for an upcoming trip, so you do a last minute, online binge shopping order and put it on your credit card without considering how you’ll pay it back.
Today I’m excited to share with you something a little different – an interview with my friend and fellow money coach, Michelle Boss (aka The Money Boss)! Some of you may remember Michelle from her guest blog post nearly two years ago. She’s been a dear friend, mentor, and accountability partner for me over the past two plus years. And, now, we’ll be working together on a new project that Michelle has put together. She’ll share about that project and more of her personal story in this week’s post.
Have you ever noticed that most personal finance books and blogs are focused on tips to help people save more and spend less? It’s as if the assumption is that people are naturally spenders who need help fighting their natural inclinations — and there’s a bit of subtle shaming that comes with that tendency.
Honestly, this is the post I needed about five years ago! Tipping (with the exception of what to tip at a restaurant) is something nobody teaches you. Everyone is so busy trying to “leave it up to your discretion” that they provide no guidelines or suggestions. It’s hard to know how to tip when you have nothing to go on.
Tax time seems to have become synonymous with tax refund time. Everyone seems so eager to receive their bonus cash and those who don’t feel aggrieved by the loss. I get it! I was accustomed to getting a tax refund (some small, some large) every year until one year my husband and I were slammed with a $3,000 tax bill and we had just a couple of days to figure out how to pay it. It was scary few days as we shook down all of our savings and checking accounts – like little kids shaking every penny out of their piggy bank – until every last cent was paid. After this experience, I strove to better understand taxes – brackets, credits, deductions, and withholdings – so we wouldn’t be surprised again.
